Messy Beautiful Friendship: Book Review

Have you ever experienced hurt in friendship? Maybe you had hoped hoped a friend would respond a certain way but she didn't. Have you ever felt left out? Or felt that a friend did not care for you as much as you cared for her? Maybe it feels like sometimes the relationship is one-sided and it seems like you are always the one to initiate the texts and get-togethers? I have experienced all these things and have felt very hurt as a result. I often took the blame and felt maybe I was not exciting enough or maybe I was asking for too much from these friends. If you have experienced any of these feelings, please keep reading.

Recently I started reading Messy Beautiful Friendship by Christine Hoover. In her book, Christine really spoke to me. If only I could have read this book several years ago, it would have saved me many tears from the hurts I have experienced in friendship. I had to learn some things the hard way, but perhaps others who will read this book can save themselves from some of the heartaches that come with friendship.

Messy Beautiful Friendship is not just any old self-help book on friendship. It's much more than that. Christine talks to the reader on a very personal level and examines friendship through the biblical lens. Whether you believe in the Christian faith or not, this book is very much encouraging and enlightening. The biblical view of friendship is drastically different from the secular view. We are taught from society to do things that make us happy, not to do hard things. We are taught to surround ourselves with people who will make us better, not people who need our help. We are taught to walk away when relationships get difficult, not to work things out. The world says, "Take care of YOU and do what makes YOU happy." The Bible says to love and serve others. "You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh ; rather, serve one another humbly in love." (Gal 5:13)

With the focus on self, it is easy to concoct expectations in our relationships. We sometimes formulate an idea or definition of what friendship truly means. We set parameters and measure people to determine where they stand with us. I have been guilty of these things. I have expected friends to meet my needs when really, the only one who can meet all my needs is Jesus.

Messy Beautiful Friendship explains that friendship is not about us but about others. Friendship with others is not a guarantee but it is a gift. Christine addresses many issues that we may face in friendship, such as insecurity and unmet expectations, and encourages us to overcome them. She gives biblical explanations and many personal examples of her own experiences to encourage the reader. She writes in a way that makes you feel like you know her and that she is sitting across from you, talking to you as a friend. Reading this book has caused me to realize I am not alone. I thought I was the only one who was having having a hard time in some of my relationships. This book has blessed me and challenged me to look at friendship differently, allowing people to be who they are and looking to Jesus for validation and fulfillment. "Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth." (Colossians 3:2)

I highly recommend this book. Even if you feel all your friendships or good, this book will give you a fresh perspective that will enhance your relationships with others.

Please also check out Christine's blog at:  http://www.gracecoversme.com/

On Friendship

I have been blessed with some wonderful, satisfying friendships in the past few years. However, growing up, I went through some rocky roads to navigate friendship in my teenage years. During my childhood  I was very shy. Yet, I had a close circle of friends in grade school. When I was in 6th grade, my family moved from our small town to a city over an hour away. That was a big deal back in a day when cell phones didn't exist and the only thing a 12 year old girl had to stay connected to her friends was AOL and dialup...or snail mail!

It was hard to lose my friends from grade school--we lost touch eventually. Being so shy, I had a hard time connecting with my new classmates. What had I done in elementary school that caused me to have a good group of close friends? How could I apply that to now? The school was a K-8 so all the girls had known each other since birth practically and I was the odd duck on the block.

Then came high school with the same questions, only I was older. I didn't fit in with my peers because I was the "church girl" which warranted me no close friendships. Nonetheless, I was still very well liked. During these years my family started attending a new church. I thought because it was church it was a safe place and that I should automatically make friends with ease. Not so.

There was the initial "new kid on the block" reaction which quickly wore off after a few weeks. Again, I felt like I didn't fit. I blamed it on my shyness. I blamed it on my wardrobe--I didn't dress pretty enough. I blamed it on not being thin enough. I tried to solve this problem of why I didn't have friends. So many times I was left out of events and activities. Countless times I was pushed aside.

I had no friends. But I had JESUS. I began to know Him. To really know Him. As my father, my beloved, and my Friend. He began to teach me things and I began to question Him less. The road was still long and it wasn't easy having little to no friends, but through it, God taught me to find love, affirmation, and fulfillment--things we all need--through Him alone.

Then, God began bringing special people into my life to be my friend. Each friend He brought was very  different from the others, but all were special in their own regard. Around this time, I discovered Christine Hoover's blog, Grace Covers Me. She wrote a lot about faith, love, being a pastor's wife, and friendship. This really appealed to me as I had become close to a pastor's wife at that time and wanted to be a blessing to her in our friendship. I started reading Christine's blog and subscribing to it. I felt so encouraged by everything she wrote, regardless of the topic. Recently she has been blogging more about friendship and will actually be releasing a book soon!!! I have been chosen to read and review her new book, Messy Beautiful Friendship. I am so excited to read and share my thoughts!

I have learned a lot about friendship over the years, and from what I have learned about Christine Hoover, she has learned a lot too. As I read through the book I will be sharing what I learn along the way. If you have ever struggled with friendship or want to learn more about friendship and being a good friend, I highly recommend ordering Christine's  book, Messy Beautiful Friendship. You can order it from her website www.gracecoversme.com or Amazon. I'm currently reading the third chapter and I already can't put it down!!

Blessings to you as you walk and grow in God.